Reality Show Junkie

I hate to admit this...because so often I rail against the stupid things on TV, but I'll say it...I am a reality show junkie. I mean, I don't watch them all...but I watch far more than anyone should. I realized this last night as I watched "Beauty & the Geek" on WB. And, what's scary about that is I already knew the characters so I had obviously watched it before.

It started with Survivor...I watctched the Amazing Race, if only to root against Rob and Jen, who were on Survivor. Hmmmm. I watched some of the Apprentice. I remember watching Joe Schmo and really enjoying it. The attempt at a followup to that wasnt' very successful.

I watched the Average Joe's Strike Back the other night on NBC...it's getting ridiculous now. I watched Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire and, unfortunately, enjoyed it. So shameful...

But, perhaps the lowest of the low is the Celebreality on VH1. And, I'm right therer watching it...not on the original run usually but in one of the million reruns. Celebrity Fit Club...saw it. Surreal Life...saw a few seasons of that. Remaking the Band...yep, saw some of those too.

I can't go on...I've said too much. I'm trying to cut back...I'm not going to watch the Real World...I'm not. Oh, I'm a liar...I probably will...but not until the Real World marathon.

I'd Like to Teach the World...

not to remake old commercials with generic lyrics like the recent garbage-fest being put on by Coca-Cola. In case you've missed it, Coke has revived its classic "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" commercial but instead of the classic song, they've used hip-hop artist G-Love and changed to lyrics to "I'd Like to Teach the World to Chill".

There are so many things wrong with this that I can't even begin to go through them. First, what kind of ad campaign uses the word chill? Is that still hip? or cool? or maybe it's whack? Secondly, I'm not sure about you, but a bunch of people sitting around singing about a soft drink doesn't make me want to buy it. And, why revive the commercial anyway. The original was a classic, leave it that way. I think this just reinforces the sentiment that advertising agencies have lost their originality...

Information about the commercial

Don't Work...Trust Me

Who really wants to work? Seriously. I mean, the guy who said "There's nothing more rewarding than putting in a hard day's work" didn't know what he was talking about. His job was probably to come up with stupid lines like that to make people work while he sat in the front office watching TV and sipping on margaritas. Or something like that.

Anyway, I'm not saying my job is hard...I work on computers and answer the phone and answer questions and, occasionally do other stuff but it's not like I'm heading down in the mines or something. The real work is just being motivated enough to do what stacks up. And maybe my toughest job is not calling people stupid or murderlizing my neighbor here in the office. One of these days...

Now, if I had a cushy job like professional golfer or, even better, caddying out at Pete Dye (those guys do nothing...I know it), that would be a different story.

I like sports. I could do something in sports. You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something. Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a color man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game. But, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.

Movies. I like to watch movies. Do they pay people to watch movies? Projectionists. But you gotta know how to work the projector. And it's probably a union thing. [scoffs] Those unions. [sighs] Okay. Sports,...movies. What about a talk show host? Talk show host. That's good. I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host. Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start? That's where it gets tricky. You can't just walk into a building and say " I wanna be a talk show host." I wouldn't think so. It's all politics.

Sorry about that, ran into a Seinfeld episode...

Anyway, work is overrated. The paychecks are nice and being able to afford food is good but, in the end, if I could manage it, I wouldn't do it.

Weekend Wrap-Up

It's been a few days since I last posted so you would think "Hey, he should have a lot of stuff to add." And, if that's what you're thinking, let me just tell you, you'd be wrong.

So Friday, they let us wear jeans to work. Blue jeans at that. Not exactly Hawaiian shirt day but still. Most of the people were out of the office because of an "attorney retreat" meeting type thing so it was just us lowly staff folks here. They were feeling so generous that they even let us depart the premises at 3:00 p.m. Wow...how could it get any better than that? Well, you'd be surprised...it doesn't.

Friday night, went and played poker at Bojo's with him and Evan. I think I came out ahead monetarily but who's counting? That was about it for the rest of Friday...

Saturday rolls around...hmmm, what did I do? I went to Morgantown Mall and Best Buy...ummmm, bought a pair of shorts I believe. That was fun I guess...drove around Morgantown for a few to make sure nothing shut down, was built or just moved...didn't see much. Then, went home...went to the driving range. I actually hit the ball rather well for not playing in over a year...I'm ready to play a course now I think. Maybe this week, some evening, I'll hit the links. Made the mistake of attempting to play some tennis...in 100 degree weather. Seriously, the clock/temperature thing at Mon Valley Bank said 100. So, tennis lasted about 30 minutes at best. Saturday night, got beat at college basketball by Nick...and worse, I was UNC and he was Duke and he beat me. It did go into overtime but that's little consolation.

Sunday, spent most of my day at my aunt and uncle's house at Maple Lake down on the dock. Just a nice, quiet Sunday like it's supposed to be. I thought about coming into the office and then I thought better of it...

So, that was about it...really exciting. Man, I hope they have Hawaiian Shirt Day at work sometime...I'm going to send an e-mail recommending it right now.

What Boredom Means to Me

Boredom is a horrible thing. An inescapable thing that just happens out of nowhere. For some reason, it's hard to get rid of once it hits...

Anyway, ways to tell I'm bored:

• Googling my name, screenname, SSN...etc.
• Searching for garbage on E-bay...nothing I would buy, just to see if they have it
• Reading my e-mail
• Looking up words in the dictionary
• Organizing my music downloads by artist, title, track number, etc.
• Cleaning my desk
• Actually doing real work
• Talking to my co-worker who stole my stapler
• Looking up AIM buddy icons
• Visiting http://www.bored.com/
• Updating this blog...

Anyway, I guess that's about it...I'm sure there's more things I do when I'm bored but I'm too tired to continue now.....

Moving to the country...

...gonna eat a lot of peaches
I’m movin’ to the country I’m gonna eat me a lot of peaches
I’m movin’ to the country I’m gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin’ to the country I’m gonna eat a lot of peaches

Peaches come from a can they were put there by a man
In a factory downtown
If I had my little way
I’d eat peaches everyday
Sun soakin bulges in the shade

Movin’ to the country I’m gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin’ to the country I’m gonna eat a lot of peaches
I’m movin to the country gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin’ to the country gonna eat a lot of peaches

I took a little nap where the roots all twist
Squished a rotten peach in my fist
And dreamed about you woman
I poked my finger down inside makin’ a little room for a ant to hide
Nature’s candy in my hand or can or a pie

Millions of peaches peaches for me
Millions of peaches peaches for free
Millions of peaches peaches for me
Millions of peaches peaches for free

Look out

Brain Damage

I think I'm losing my mind again...I swear. I've had like 5 calls today starting with "remember when I called you this morning about......" No...No, I don't remember. I really don't...and I think you're crazy. But, they insist...and, since there were several, I assume it is me that is indeed crazy. So, see the below illustration for what I think is happening....

This is a normal brain:

This is my brain:

Any Questions?

Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

Well, I watched AFI's top 100 movie quotes last night. Some of them I liked, some I didn't...like "I'm king of the world" certainly wouldn't have made my top 100 list. And, while "May the force be with you" is memorable, I'm not sure it belongs in the number 8 spot. I don't know the criteria they used to determine the list but I'm guessing it has something to do with the cultural impact of the line and the overall rememberance of the quote when thinking of the movie.

The Godfather is awesome but when Brando delivers the line "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse," you immediately have the catchline for the entire movie. Another example is Norma Desmond saying "I am big. It's the pictures that got small," to Joe in Sunset Boulevard. It sets the tone for the rest of the picture. Clearly, they took their job seriously and picked some great quotes.

Which leads me to one question...where are the Office Space quotes? That disappointed me...so, therefore, I give you Mike's TOP TEN Office Space Quotes! or maybe I should say conversations...

Honorable Mentions:

Bill Lumbergh: Oh, and next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day... so, you know, if you want to you can go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

Milton Waddams: Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still have not received my paycheck and they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it.

Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

10. Bob Slydell: I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".

9. Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

8. Samir: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of $@%^ out the window.
Michael Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.

7. Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

6. Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Peter Gibbons: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.

5. Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

4. Bob Porter: We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.

3. Drew: I'm thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh. Oh.

2. Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob.

1. Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

A Pittsburgh Tradition Retires

Myron Cope announced his retirement today. Though his skills have clearly diminished over the past few years, his unique voice and unmistakeable style will sorely be missed. Cope has announced for the Steelers for 35 years and is, arguably, one of the most recognized football announcers in the country. He often walked the tight line between amusing and annoying but his commitment and love for the Steelers can never be questioned. As the innovator of the Terrible Towel, his legacy is cemented. Congratulations to Myron and may he enjoy his retirement as much as we've enjoyed his work.

Two Oranges and a Donut

This is a true story...only the names have been changed to protect the innocent:

A typical Tuesday afternoon at a typical workplace. Typical people are performing typical tasks. But typical problems typically arise when you least typically expect them. Anyway, so on the 3rd floor of this building a strange odor lurks...it was noticed yesterday but today it seems stronger. Naturally, the mind immediately wanders to the most reasonable explanation: SICK BUILDING.

The, ummmm, person who is not an attorney, who we will call Mancy, who made her diagnosis not only feared for her safety but also for that of her secretary. She immediately called the building supervisor, Dom, to advise him that they could not work under these conditions. Their offices needed moved immediately and that inspectors should be brought in to do air handling procedures.

Realizing the immediancy of the request, Dom set up temporary offices for the, ummmmm, not attorney and her secretary. Of course, Mancy then began "worrying" about other people on the floor. What are they being exposed to? What type of litigation could be brought? She began consulting with Toxic Torts counsel to find out what the ramifications could be. In the meantime, the poor building supervisor it trying to figure out what it going on.

By the next day, the building owners were notified and they promised swift action. Within another day, air quality control specialists would be on-site. Perhaps the entire building was contaminated...then what? Thursday arrived and the air handling folks arrived...they were taken to the site of the strange odor. Immediately, the odor was strongest in Mancy's office. This eliminated the air handlers spreading the odor because, if that were the case, it would be distributed, at a minimum, throughout the floor. What could it be?

One of the younger of the 3 air handlers said it smelled somewhat like rotten citrus. What type of chemicals could be producing this smell? They took air samples to be tested back in Charleston. They checked air ducts for anything that could be lodged. The total costs were adding up...several thousand dollars this would cost. In the meantime, the young worker continued to sniff around the desk of Mancy. It seemed so strong there. Finally, he lifted an umbrella...and there sat a box. In the box sat the culprit.....Two rotten oranges and a half eaten donut.

Moral of the story: If you jump and complain and fight and be a nuisance, you will eventually reap the fruits of your labor.

Happy Birthday West Virginia...

Yeah, almost forgot...wish the state a happy birthday today. 142 years old and still kicking. I only hope I can look as good at 142...

Pittsburgh Pirates

I am a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. There, I said it. It's hard to say sometimes...but, there it is. It's out in the open now...you all know it. Not just a fan...I love the Pirates. Have for a long time now. I've seen a lot of Pirates come...a lot of Pirates go. An all-star lineup of Pirates are everyday names in baseball, like Stargell, Mazeroski, Wagner and Clemente. What about Bonds and Tekulve...Van Slyke and Kendall.

But, the fate that has befallen the Pirates lately make it hard. Records of 58-86, 62-100 and 69-93 are typical since that last winning season, 1992. Ah, 1992...so close to the World Series only to blow it to the hated Braves. Since then, a free fall. It's been almost unbearable for a team that has 5 national championships. But none since 1979.

Everything was supposed to improve when PNC Park opened in 2001...and though it is a beautful facility, the teams remain the same. For a moment...for a brief moment, I thought something good was going to happen. Tampa Bay was in town and the Pirates had won 5 of the last 6 games. They were 30-30 and, with a win, would have a winning record this late in the season. It would be quite an accomplishment for this organization. Instead, they lost 5-7 and have lost 6 of their last 7 games. Typical Pittsburgh...

Anyway, I'm still a Pirates fan and I won't be ashamed...but I might be a little disappointed.

Final Phoenix Wrap-up

Phoenix is a nice area. Despite the 100+ degree days, I liked the weather. I'm not saying "it's a different kind of heat" or anything, but it wasn't as bad as 90 degrees days typically are here. It was a welcome change from the cold car and the cold classroom I spent so much time in.

Accomodations were okay...Courtyard Marriott was adequate. Overall, it's a decent hotel...no major frills or anything...but the price was excellent. Outside pool and whirlpool were clean and well-kept. The exercise room was small and the rooms were small but, once again, more than adequate. The staff was friendly and helpful.

Phoenix, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, etc., it a big place. There's a lot of things to see but it's not easy to find anything to do. We spent a lot of time looking for those local restaurants or something but could never find anything. Just major chains everywhere it seemed. Downtown Phoenix is dead at night and it looks like most people head to Mesa or Tempe.

If I were going back to Arizona for recreation, I think I would go north of Phoenix and stay in Flagstaff. Much milder weather and you're within driving range of the Grand Canyon and about 3 hours out of Phoenix if you want to visit it. I would have liked to have seen a Diamondbacks game if they were in town but missed out on that. There seemed to be a lot of culture in and around town but you have to search for it.

Overall, it was a nice trip and I had fun. I would love to go back to Arizona for 4-5 days just to travel it sometime. It's a nice area and is worth the trip.

Friday Round-up

Turned in the certification exam and did our presentation and everyone was done with that by around 10:00 a.m. The instructor had a few more things to cover so we ended up eating lunch at InData again. Until this point, we had plans to travel to Flagstaff. The instructor said that there wasn't much in Flagstaff, we should head to Sedona. I guess, according to him, Sedona was "an hour or more" closer to Phoenix. So, around 1:00 p.m. we left for Sedona...oops.

So, we traveled up I-17 towards Sedona...it's amazing when you start hitting the Rocky Mountains. You go from relatively flat Phoenix to some very impressive mountains. I thought it was cool. I just can't imagine the time that it took to build the road system in Arizona. There were points on this trip you would go 20-30 miles and see absolutely nothing but mountains and cacti.

Anyway, 2 hours later we hit Sedona. I'm not saying Sedona is a bad place...it's just a tourist area though. Basically, a few long roads with eateries, shopping and tour companies. It wasn't exactly what we had in mind. On the positive side, you're in the Red Rocks area and, once again, the scenery is surreal. At this point, it was after 3:00 and we were over an hour from Flagstaff and 2 hours from the Grand Canyon. So, we headed on back to Phoenix...the thought of getting to the Grand Canyon and not getting back to Phoenix until after 10:00 wasn't good.

We headed back to Phoenix and hit a mall to buy a couple tourist type items. Back at the hotel, I headed back down to the pool for a little bit...and that just about ends the trip. Look for a complete wrap-up soon.

Ahhh..Thursday...

Well, got up this morning about 6:30 again...grabbed the USA Today and headed down to the pool. Read through the paper and chilled down there...probably 85 or so again this morning. Very nice...very nice indeed.

Anyway, headed back out to training around 8:30 or so. Man, this training is boring...I just haven't learned anything. I think the instructor has developed some animosity towards me because of my ability to answer everything. He's calling me something like the genius or some somewhat sarcastic name. I've become the "pick-on" guy...which is fine. I take it in good humor and, overall, he's a nice guy...just not as smart as me...lol.

He let us leave kinda early today...3:00 p.m. We had to take our certification exams with us when we left. Everyone, except me, came back to the hotel and started working on it. I, instead, headed down to the pool. I have my priorties. We planned to go to dinner around 5:30 so at 5:00 I came up and hurriedly tried to get the exam done. I completed 45 of 62 questions before leaving...not bad. Three of us from the class went to dinner at BJ's Chicago Style Eatery...nice place. We took our exams there to compare answers (not cheat really) and I finished the exam there. Got pizza at BJ's...it was excellent. I had other issues there...but that's a whole different story.

So, finished the exam and headed back to the hotel and I went back down to the pool. It's still nice out here...so, I hate just sitting around in the room. Today was mild...it only got up to around 102.

Tomorrow we turn in the exams and do a presentation. Should finish up around 3:00 and I think we're going to try to get to Flagstaff. It's about 137 miles away so, unless we get out early, it'll be tough to get there and back and have time to do anything. Probably worth a shot though.

Anyway, I'll get more in later about Phoenix and all. Later...

Uneventful Wednesday

Well, Wednesday began by getting up around 6:30 and going down by the pool to read the paper. The temperature was already up to 85 or so...so it was very nice out.

Had to attend class from 9:00 - 5:00. I learned, I believe, one thing that I didn't know before. Not bad for 8 hours worth of teaching...one thing. What a waste.

Anyway, left there and decided to go find some food. No plan so we headed to downtown Phoenix where we saw the Bank One Ballfield and the America West Arena. No games in Phoenix this week for the Diamondbacks so the field was closed. Downtown was dead so we headed back to Mesa and Tempe.

After nearly 2 hours of driving around, finally went to Joe's Crab Shack. Not all that great really...especially considering the wait. Left there and headed back to the hotel...

That was about it for Wednesday. Tomorrow we're going to figure out where we're eating before leaving the hotel to save a little time...

Update on Tuesday

Okay...here's a recap of Tuesday:

Arrive at Pittsburgh Airport around 8:30 a.m. No traffic issues, no security lines. Smooth sailing onto the departing plane. Plane leaves at 10:00 a.m....lot of turbulance leaving Pittsburgh. Even more landing in Chicago...a little uneven on the touchdown.

In Chicago, eat lunch at Chili's. Next departure is at noon...no problem. A lot of turbulance on takeoff...I wasn't sure we were ever going to gain altitude. A lot on landing in Phoenix too...ridiculous. Anyway, we're now in Phoenix.

Go down to get luggage...takes almost 20 minutes for the luggage to start. While waiting, decide to get rental car with Enterprise. Enterprise is out of cars at the airport. What? Out of cars...guy doesn't even offer to have someone else rent us a car. So, we called back to Charleston Enterprise and they set us up with another guy in Phoenix. So, we have to get a taxi to Enterprise...go outside and am approached by a guy offering a ride. How much? $35.00...why? It's a limo. That's okay...we'll get a taxi.

So, get a taxi...guy has no idea where the Enterprise is so, we're driving down a road and he passes it. Instead of waiting until the next road to turn-around, he decides to U-turn. Uh-oh...comes literally inches from getting T-boned by the car in the lane to the left of us. I mean, close...so, we make it. The stunned look on the lady in the other car, priceless. The driver apologized about a dozen times or more.

Anyway, we make it to Enterprise...to be told that our company does not have a corporate account. Which isn't true because we have a rental sitting in the Pittsburgh Aiport parking lot that is on the corporate account. So, Phoenix is calling the Charleston Enterprise to get everything worked out...it was a wierd situation. Apparently, we do not have a corporate account nationwide but they were able to work out something to where the Charleston Enterprise will charge for the car. Whatever...

So, get to the hotel...Courtyard Marriott...not too bad. It's a decent hotel...nice pool and all. So, it's only like 4:00 so we need to find something to do. There aren't a whole lot of things to do in Phoenix...which is kinda surprising. Flagstaff is a pretty nice place but it's 137 miles away. So, we decided to first go eat at Streets of New York...which is a nice place. Really good calzones anyway.

After that, decided to head down to Casa Grande National Monument. It's about 45 minutes away and something to do. Well, so we make the trip through the desert...get there. It's closed...of course. It closes at 5:00. What's up with that? A monument and it closes at 5:00. Great...

So, we decide to head back. On the way, we stopped at Gila Creek Indian Reserve to visit their casino. Not bad...lots of slots. They have some table games too. I only lost $2.00. Keith lost $10.00 or so. So, for about an hour of entertainment, that's not bad.

Head back to the hotel and get to bed...class begins tomorrow.

Traveling to Phoenix

Just a quick update:

Made it...lots of turbulance. Lots of heat...106 here right now...and I don't want to hear "Well, it's a dry heat." It's hot folks...

Anyway, will update later...going to eat now.

Phoenix or Bust

Well folks, I'm leaving for Phoenix tomorrow (Tuesday). I'll be out there until Saturday...it's a work trip. I'm traveling out there with another guy from our Charleston office. It's for a software program called TrialDirector. This program is pretty awesome...it is essentially our trial software. Basically, you scan in a document and the program assigns it a barcode. By zapping the barcode on the document, it displays on a projector and you can then zoom on sections, highlight...whatever. I can tell you're impressed.

Anyway, I am a very particular type of traveler. At the airport a minimum 90 minutes before the flight leaves. I am very paranoid about missing a flight...losing my luggage...missing lunch. I just am very nervous about the airport. I love to fly...I just hate all the things in getting prepared to fly. I am convinced my luggage will not arrive.

As far as packing, I have a complete document that I fill out to make sure I'm not forgetting anything. I have several lists depending on the number of days and what the purpose of travel is. I actually still have the list from my last trip to Phoenix...so I'm using it for this trip, adjusted for an extra couple days. Everything is broken down into categories: Bathroom Items, Clothing and Misc. I check everything off after it is placed securely in the suitcase. Not until...

Maybe it's a good thing I have these lists...I don't know. Looking through them reminds me of some of the places I've been...I have the Gator Bowl trip, Beach Trip (whichever one), DC Trip, CTB Trip (Continental Tire Bowl), Atlanta Trip, Band Camp List, Minneapolis Trip...hmm, I see San Fran Trip. There's a lot of good memories there...maybe I'll elaborate on some of them later.

But, anyway, I'm going to try to update while I'm out in Phoenix and I'll try to get some pictures or whatever. Feel free to e-mail if you have any ideas or suggestions for me write about...my material is thin...

GGGGG-MAIL

I have several invitations to send out for g-mail if anyone would like one...just send me your e-mail address and I'll send the invite.

Don't Phunk with My Heart

Okay...Black Eyed Peas song "Don't Phunk with My Heart" is the winner of the I Hear that Stupid Song and Can't Get It Out of My Head" Award for Summer 2005.

I'm not sure what it is about this song that makes it just stick...but I just can't get it to go away. It has a staying power that most songs don't have...it's the Ice, Ice Baby of 2005. Stop, Collaborate and Listen...

It has a good beat adding to the "can't forget it factor" but, maybe most impressive is the lyrics:

Why you so insecure
When you got passion and love here
Ya always thinkin I'm a cheater
I'm up and gonna leave ya for another senorita
You forgot that I need ya
You must of caught amnesia
That's why you don't believe her

Amazing. They rhymed insecure with here. That's impression in and of itself...but they take it up a notch by rhyming cheater with senorita. I am blown away. I'm sure another song will come along that has the same staying power later this summer...but nothing that contains the thought and feeling of Phunk. I guess it could be worse, at least I don't hum Gwen Stafani's "Hollaback Girl" all day. The question does remain:

Will it ever stop? Yo -- I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.

A Day in the Life...

Well, due to a lack of creativity, I give you my day:

6:45 a.m. - Alarm sounds. I intend to go into work a little early today to change a hub at work. Instead, I decide it's not worth the effort and go back to bed.

7:20 a.m. - I finally get up. Shower, shave, etc. Find out that the Spurs beat the Pistons since I fell asleep early in the game last night. Resolve not to miss any more of the playoffs...

8:30 a.m. - Arrive at work to be harrassed for not getting there early like I said I was going to. No big deal...I'll switch the hub tomorrow. Begin my project for the day...assigning network rights to several scan folders. Boring, tedious work. I informed our users yesterday that it was occuring and that I needed a list of users who would need access to their folders. Yeah, like that was going to happen...

12:00 p.m. - No lunch has arrived yet...continue working on project...

1:20 p.m. - Lunch finally arrives. A co-worker ran to Wendy's to get our lunch. It takes him nearly 2 hours. Hmmmm... I eat at my desk so I can continue to work.

2:30 p.m. - I have completed assigning rights. Let the calls begin. Several users from the outer offices call. I remind them of the e-mail I had sent and I am greeted with silence. Apparently, no one reads my e-mails. I feel important...

4:00 p.m. - Finally complete assigning rights. The calls have stopped...I feel like I wasted a day doing grunt work. I will spend the next hour reading Fark.com.

5:00 p.m. - Getting ready to leave and, of course, the phone rings. Reassign rights to one of the folders. Yeah, I love people paying attention.

5:20 p.m. - Run up by Circuit City to pick up an on-line order I had placed. It takes them 15 minutes to fill the order despite it having already been processed. Come on folks, this is why I placed the order online...to save time. I would have been better off buying it once I got to the story. I feel disgruntled...

6:00 p.m. - Arrive home...

7:30 p.m. - Run to Chevron to vacuum out the car. Pay $0.75 to the vacuum. It picks up nothing...no suction. This vacuum, both sucks and doesn't suck at the same time. That amuses me but doesn't make my car clean.

8:00 p.m. - Return home. Watch "King of the Hill" marathon. Try to think of ideas to write about on the blog.

9:09 p.m. - Give up on trying to come up with ideas. Write this crap...

Best. Table. Ever.

Well, since I don't have anything good to write about this afternoon, I'll write about the most awesome table ever. I present to you the Da-Lite Projecto Stand 425:

What's that you say...that's not a table. That's just a thing laying on your ugly carpenting in your office. Whoa...wait just a minute there...you're wrong. It's a table folks. Just needs assembly.

Look at that...now it's a one legged table. That's right...those silver metal bars are the legs people. They snap right in and out of underside of the table for easily portability. And that's not all. The legs are adjustable...no longer confined to one height, this baby can range from 32" to 56" in just a turn of a knob.

There it is...the completed product. A sturdy, small table for you to use. So sturdy in fact, that it will hold over 125 pounds without collapsing. Amazing. This baby sure is awesome. Most places you will find this stand going for $300, $400 or even $500. But order today and this bad boy can be yours for the low, low price of $220.56, plus shipping an handlling. Folks, it's like I'm giving them away. Place your order now!

Chinese Restaurant

UPDATE: It actually arrived. I guess they understood because all 5 orders came correctly. I am impressed...see my General Tso's Chicken:

ORIGINAL POST:

Okay...I'll be the first to admit that I have a real communication issue with people who don't speak decent English. It's hard to understand them...and, I think at times, it's hard for them to understand me. I hate calling computer support because I know that by the end of the conversation I'll be aggravated and the person I was talking to will be as well.

Anyway, that prefaces my recent call to the Chinese restaurant, the Happy Garden located at Rose Bud Plaza in beautiful Clarksburg, WVa. It was my turn to call and order lunch...an occassion I dread more than just about anything. But, I called...placing 4 orders for L11 (General Tso's) and I was surrounded by my good (and bad) co-workers. As I began the order, I messed up off the bat by saying it was for Take Out...and quickly having to change that to delivery. I wasn't sure the guy taking my order understood that I was changing it to delivery so I repeated it 3 more times. Apparently, I was yelling by this point into the phone. There's some misconception that if you talk louder, people will understand. All I was getting out of him was "OK, yeah yeah...OK".

Anyway, so, the people in the office begin making fun of my while I was on the phone...I begin to laugh. The whole thing goes downhill from there. I had to excuse myself from the phone I was laughing so hard. His repeated assurances of "yeah yeah, okay...got it got it..." weren't helping matters as I tried to explain our location. By the time I got out that I was on the 8th floor, tears were beginning to form in my eyes. It was a horriying experience.

Five minutes later, a friend from the 9th floor showed up and decided he wanted to order too...so I called them back. I got a different person when I called...a nice lady so I was talking softly and kindly. Of course, when I said where the delivery was, she transferred me back to the guy so I was yelling again. I guess it just can't be helped. I'm sure he thinks I'm insane and I'm betting that I won't have any lunch today...we'll see. I will never call the Chinese restaurant again...I just can't handle it.

Once again, there's no real point to this...other than, just because you can't understand them and they can't understand you doesn't mean they're deaf. There's no reason to yell....

Really? I don't remember that...

I had dinner last night with two friends of mine up at the Regatta Bar & Grill at the Radisson in Morgantown. If you get a chance to go there, it's worth it. Excellent food...good atmosphere. Overall, I was impressed with the facility. Okay, that's my plug...I can now collect my money from the Radisson...

Anyway, during the course of all the talk, we reached a story that was embarrassing to me. I'll spare you the details but, needless to say, I don't remember ever doing the YMCA in my life. Apparently, I did. I don't remember it at all...but as she told the story, it seemed very plausible that I did indeed do this. And, what really bugs me about it, is that this type of thing happens often. I hear often about me doing this or that and I really have no clue what they're talking about. All I can say is "I did what?" It happens at work sometimes too...half the time I think people are just lying when they said I didn't do something I was supposed to. That's all good until someone thanks me for doing something and I'm like "I didn't do it" and they say "Yes, you did. I watched you do it." That's not a good sign.

Anyway, there probably isn't a point to this installment...but I thought I'd share that I think I'm losing my mind. It occurred to me several years ago that I should make a journal of some of the stuff going on so that I can remember...that way I could disprove the YMCA thing if it didn't really happen...but I failed to do so. I wish I had now...but, in the meantime, I guess it's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.

UPDATE: From Steele - Apparently I used to do a good Rock impersonation. Thanks...I vaguely remember what the Rock was cooking...

The Who

I am a huge Who fan. I have always stood up for the band and tried to explain their absolute awesomeness to my friends. In case you don't know the Who, they have written some of the greatest rock songs ever. The only other band to really rival them in the 70s was probably Led Zeppelin...and, between the two, I'd take the Who. Here's a quick list of some of their greatest songs: My Generation, Happy Jack, I Can See for Miles, Pinball Wizard, Behind Blue Eyes, Won't Get Fooled Again, Squeeze Box...the list goes on and on. Some great tunes...some of my favorite.

With all that said, I'm about sick of hearing Who songs on commercials. After 15 minutes of watching TV, I see a Zantax add featuring a Who song...a Coke commercial belting out I'm Free or a Hummer ad playing Happy Jack. I understand the Who has earned the right to make some money off their music...but they have approached the point of total sellouts. Maybe it's only fitting that in 1967 they made an album called "The Who Sell Out"... it just took 38 or so years for them to really do it.

The Who will remain one of my favorite groups of all time...and their contributions to music history are immeasurable. I just wish someone would stand up and remind Pete Townsend of who he was...and I hope that the next time I here Squeeze Box, it won't be in an accordian commercial.

Tuesday Afternoon - Random Observations

• I get more spam than actual e-mail on a daily basis despite blocking just about every spam site I know of.
• Gas prices have shot back up...I was so happy when it was $2.02; is that sick or what?
• Star Wars Episode 3 was far more awesome than 1 and 2 but still can't touch 4, 5 and 6.
• My wallet has $3.00 in cash in it. And receipts for nearly $50.00 from debit purchases. Does anyone really use cash anymore?
• It's 90 degrees outside today. My office is at 66 degrees. I'm freezing.
• When was the last time you heard someone talk about Paul Bunyon and his Big Blue Ox Babe? And right now doesn't count...

Okay...I think that's enough random observations...so,

Just a few things from today's headlines:

Jackson jurors huddle for third day. Not sure what to say about this. Guy is probably guilty of something...but, it seems the prosecution was horrendous and he'll probably get off, errr...I mean beat it...errr, I mean...nevermind. He'll be acquitted. Honestly, he had some pretty good music back in the 80s. It's a shame he's such a weirdo...

Al Gore Receives Webby Award for Lifetime Achievement... And, I haven't. Where's the justice in that?

Phone numbers of hundreds of Chinese celebrities posted on Internet... Zhang Ziyi is one of my favorite actors in the world. I can't wait to get his number. Oh, wait a minute, Zhang Ziyi is a girl. What is with these names?

Justices deal defeat to medical marijuana. What's most amazing about this is that there were some people out there who truly believed the Supreme Court was going to come down on the other side of this issue. I guess they been taking too much medicine...

Shoveling Paper

Sometimes I feel like that's my job...shovel paper from one side of my desk to another. I have a filing cabinet full of paper that I don't refer to very often...and a desk full of paper that I look at occassionally. My goal everyday is to leave with less paper on my desk than I started with...very rarely does that happen. Here is my desk this morning:

This isn't too tremendously bad. Lots of magazines on there of computer stuff. A couple laptops...some pens, batteries, a Mobile Mini Numeric Keypad. The folders and legal pads...yeah, those are things I have to do. Post-It notes all over the monitor...also things that need completed. The Swingline stapler...just recovered from a co-worker. My favorite is the banana on the left side. That is the only thing that I can guarantee won't still be there tomorrow.

Oh, if you think my desk is kinda messy, then you haven't seen our server room...

AND

Now, doesn't my desk pale in comparison. I guess my desk isn't too bad...there are worse things in life. Oh, and the server room is starting to look a little better...not necessarily the wiring but we did at least remove a couple of those computers that weren't being utilized any longer.

Driving Toll

British motorists face paying a new charge for every mile they drive in a revolutionary scheme to be introduced within two years. Better pay attention to this because it's only a matter of time until we're next. Pay by the mile...that will be nice. So, in addition to paying taxes on gasoline, we will pay taxes to drive on the road. Not that our tax dollars don't currently go to the construction of new roads and the maintenance of existing roads. I guarantee that within 5 years this will be a battle in this country. The government loves to steal money from us...

Mowing Grass

Is there anyone out there that really enjoys doing this? I mean, give me a break. It has to be the worst thing in the world...especially on a day like today where it's like 80 degrees out but feels like 180. And, my yard...yeah, it's hills man. All slope...all slope. Two slight slopes and three big slopes. No riding mower here. I mean, who likes doing this stuff beside like Hank Hill on King of the Hill. But, come on, he's in Texas (flat) and he has a riding mower. That doesn't count. Mowing is bad...so bad, I even came up with a short rock opera outside about it. I can't put the lyrics here (trademark issues...and profanity problems) but I'll try to get it written and hopefully on Broadway in a few months.

Anyway, mowing is bad and I need to go finish it now. Later...

Seinfeld

I'm just watching Season 4 of Seinfeld...it's awesome. Season 1, 2 and 3 are good, don't get me wrong...but Season 4 is the breakout year. I think the most memorable episodes have to be from this year...look at these: The Contest, The Junior Mint, The Smelly Car, The Outing, The Bubble Boy. Right there is enough material for a lifetime...but there's more. It's just classic stuff.

On the other hand, it's kind of sad I'm sitting home tonight watching Seinfeld.....

Friday afternoon - random thoughts

Okay, first of all, this is just a rambling thing so, if you can't follow, too bad...

This is wierd...and wrong. Man in Truck Bound to Enjoy It First of all, what kind of sickos are these people...secondly, is this news? I mean, seriously. Does MSNBC really feel this is worth reporting? I guess so...

Spelling Bee = LAME. Come on...they can spell. That's cool and all...but give me a break. I can spell...just not everything. Don't get tricked, this is only satire: Spelling Bee Finalist Eliminated on the Word “Girlfriend”, but there might be some truth in it. I mean, it's nice that Scripps gives them a scholarship and all...but, I think the whole ESPN thing and all has been really overhyped. Congrats to the winner though...

Shaq is paying for George Mikan's funeral. A very nice thing, I agree. But clearly it's a PR move. Shaq's a nice guy but, if it wasn't a PR move, he didn't need to announce it on national TV. That being said, I sure hope the Heat can finish off the Pistons. I think Rasheed Wallace is insane and I'm tired of watching Darko sitting on the bench cracking jokes. I don't think he's ever going to be a player. What a waste of money...

Okay, that's 3 points for the day. I figure that's enough...I'll try to update somewhat infrequently...or frequently. Whichever I can manage.