Christmas Shopping Will Never End

Well, I headed up to the world-famous Meadowbrook Mall following another exciting day at the office to attempt to get a little Christmas shopping done. After circling the parking lot for 10-15 minutes trying to find that close space, I finally gave up and parked approximately one mile from the entrance of the facility. Not too shabby if you ask me...

So, I'm trying to think of what I need to purchase for my friends and relatives when a scarf catches my eye in the Gap. I go in to check it out but decide the $19.50 price tag was more than I cared to pay for a scarf that I would more than likely never wear. Anyway, I leave the Gap and a young lady begins talking to me. She's obviously foreign (later I would learn from Holland) and I couldn't understand her. So, I approached closer to try to understand.

I finally was able to comprehend a "Come here" so, I did as she requested. The next thing I knew, she was asking for my hand. Now, I'm not saying this is a rare occurrence or anything, but I was taken aback. She grabbed my hand and, before I had time to object, was using some type of device on my fingernail. At this point I objected but it was too late. Apparently, she was buffing and polishing or something. I was quite embarassed by this point and was trying to plead my way out of this situation. She said "just a minute, just a minute". It was no use...I knew every guy walking by me at this point had to be making fun of me.

"Voila" she says..."look at your nail". Well, I did...it was (and is) quite polished. To prove that it wasn't some chemical, she applied fingernail polish remover...and, the shine didn't disappear. Amazing. Then, she wanted to apply some hand lotion to which I declined. So, she had me smell four different types of lotion. I told her I thought they all stunk but I don't think she was paying attention to me by this time. She was too busy seeing dollar signs. She gave me some line about the price...would be $49.99 plus shipping if I ordered from QVC or something...just $34.99 from her. But she would knock $10.00 off for me. Just $24.99 and she was ringing me up on the register as she explained that.

I don't know why but next thing I knew I was pulling out my debit card and paying for this nail polishing kit and hand lotion. I have no idea who is getting it but someone is...I don't want it. I was so befuddled by the entire situation that I forgot why I was at the mall. I walked aimlessly for a few minute...trying to comprehend what happened and looking at the "All Sales Final" recent she had provided. I can't even return the crap. I don't think it's safe for me to go shopping...the only other thing I was able to purchase at the mall was a new cellphone from Sprint. And, believe it or not, it went much the same way as the lotion...I said "So, how much for me to get a new phone" and, before I could gather my thoughts, I was paying for a new phone.

I'm guessing that the store workers love to see me coming...I believe the correct term would be sucker. This is why I'm going to do all my shopping online from this point forward. My shopping trips have been, and probably will remain, absolute disasters. But, on the bright side, I have one really shiny fingernail and a new phone. So, if I don't have your number, send it to me so I can input. In the meantime, I'm going to go cry somewhere.