Harry Potter and the Curse of the Pope

Beware my friends, a dangerous evil force is upon our doorstep. July 16th will make the beginning of the apocolypse. Luckily, Pope Benedict is fighting this evil to the best of his ability and trying to warn the world of the imminent danger. And his word must travel far and wind in a short span to save the human race from the depths of which it is about to fall.

What is this evil you dare ask? It is Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!

You didn't know that? See, you haven't been paying attention. Apparently Harry Potter is the worst thing to hit the world in over 2000 years. It is pure evil and the hearts, souls and minds of those who would dare read such a blasphemous novel are doomed. Pope Benedict believes the Harry Potter books subtly seduce young readers and "distort Christianity in the soul" before it can develop properly. And, by golly, he's right.

Author J.K. Rowling is obviously trying to recruit the people who read these books into a cult to worship Satan. (or Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Belial, Hilary Clinton or, simply, The Devil). The Vatican had previously appeared to approve of the books, saying they helped children to understand the difference between good and evil. This clearly shows that Pope John Paul II was no saint...how could he approve of such a thing?

Clearly, this should be priority Number One for the Vatican. How can the world be safe with Harry Potter books being published? Terrorism, starvation, disease, nuclear proliferation...these can all take a backseat because it is obvious to me, and the Pope, that Harry Potter is the cause of all problems of the world. Please do all that is possible to support Voldemort in his quest to destory Harry.