FAQs about the Bird Flu

I've been getting a lot of questions about this bird flu and I, as a certified genius, want to answer questions from the readers, like: What is the bird flu? Who's at risk? Are Yousa tinkin yousa people gonna DIE? and more. This is the facts and only the facts:

1. What is the Avian Bird Flu? - Bob the Messenger (Morgantown) The bird flu is a experiment by KFC gone wrong. Initially, KFC was attempting to come up with an additive that would make their delictable chicken even better and addicting. Unfortunately, the experiment took a wrong turn and ended up mutating into a killer flu. But, don't worry, KFC says their chicken is still safe and as addicting as it always was.
2. Who's at risk? - Justin (Buckhannon) Everyone Justin, everyone. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but KFC made this thing so strong that no one is immune. If you received a flu shot this year...too bad. It's doesn't protect against the Avian flu. And, if you think you're invincible, you're even more at risk. And you know you think you're invincible but I know that's not true.
3. How long do we have? - Greg (Kingmont) Not long...or maybe a long time. No one is in agreement. It seems to be killing a bunch of Asians...but that's where KFC does all their experiments. The flu hasn't mutated into being easily tranmitted by humans yet...but, when it does, expect everyone to just go crazy and throw a big Avian flu party at the Radisson in Morgantown.
4. Are Yousa tinkin yousa people gonna DIE? - Jennifer (NC) I know you went to Marshall but surely they taught you something about speaking. I'm not even going to answer that.
5. Is the mortality rate going to be high? - Andrew (WVU) Much better question. Yes, everyone who gets sick will die. Or they won't die. There's a 50% chance that one of those things could happen...or not happen. So, I hope that answered your question.
6. How can I protect myself? - Pat (New York) Simple...send me $20.00 and I'll send you a cure. Seriously, send me $20.00. I mean it.

If you have any additional questions regarding the Bird Flu, feel free to e-mail me. Or, if there is some other issue that you think needs addressed, do the same. I'm always happy to give you the correct answers...