- It was so cold today that I saw a dog stuck to a telephone pole.
- It was so cold that O.J. led an armed raid to retrieve his stolen space heater.
- It was so cold that I saw a politician with his hand in his own pocket.
- It was so cold that Britney Spears made sure she had underwear on before she went out.
- It was so cold that down at the city morgue, you couldn't tell the stiffs from the guys who worked there.
- It was so cold that Richard Simmons started wearing pants.
- It's so cold, even the Good Humour Man is in a bad mood.
- It's so cold that instead of the finger, New Yorkers are giving each other the mitten.
- It was so cold, I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waiter.